Pretzel
The Rumor
Imouto of HandOfDarkness444
Posts: 433
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Jokes
Mar 4, 2010 9:15:07 GMT 10
Post by Pretzel on Mar 4, 2010 9:15:07 GMT 10
I know that's disturbing, but at least he's gonna die with a smile on his face... You would know...
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Jokes
May 18, 2010 13:53:11 GMT 10
Post by Whisper My Fairytale on May 18, 2010 13:53:11 GMT 10
Have you noticed how the D: (Disk drive) Looks sad and the C: (C drive) Looks happy?
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Jokes
May 28, 2010 9:55:23 GMT 10
Post by The Fear/Rukia on May 28, 2010 9:55:23 GMT 10
lol
An out-of towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. He got out and worriedly looked up and down the road. After a while, a farmer came to help with his big strong horse named "Buddy" and offered to help get the car out of the ditch. The farmer hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Finally the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Lenny, pull!" And then the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer explained, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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Jokes
Jun 6, 2010 14:54:01 GMT 10
Post by The Fear/Rukia on Jun 6, 2010 14:54:01 GMT 10
Subject: Marriage
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece...
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